For men their hearts open when they are successful in helping others. Im adding his comments here, although they tend to excuse his choices, because he is trying to illustrate what doing it right looks like and he is being the example for us all. These roles that men and women have had, to various degrees, had pretty much stayed the same for thousands of years. Not someone who is going to take me from zero to one hundred. Why a man's testosterone goes down and estrogen goes up when they feel stuck. And so is Bette, although if I did let it slip and act like that, she would say, Thats not like you at all. Little does she know. If youre just about to win something then naturally youre going to take the next step. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. Im going to write it to men and to women because that is my message and men and women, equally, come to my seminars. My message tends to be just as validating to men as it is to women. Estrogen is a very dominant female hormone, but if estrogen levels are out of balance and there is not enough estrogen, then the oxytocin is not as effective in lowering stress for women, so there is a relationship there. It could look adversarial to a bystander, but it really isnt. Through videos, blog posts, online courses, books, and groundbreaking live events, youll learn down-to-earth practical insight and wisdom that will change your life forever. Ill just nod and not say anything to be dismissive of the whole thing. Our community includes doctors, healers and integrative practitioners dedicated to helping you heal naturally. But if you go back thirty years ago, it was very challenging for women to get the respect they deserved in the workplace. I got them opening up and sharing feelings at a deeper level than they knew they had. This website is not intended to create a physician-patient relationship between you and HealCircle or its practitioners. He was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. Soul mate relationships are where both partners understand and respect their differences so they can expand empathy and deeply support each other throughout life. I have no issue with that aspect of feminism. His point in this book is that we dont know what we need to know because our parents didnt tell us and they didnt tell us because we are living a life that would have mystified them entirely. fisk heroes addon packs. As woman A begins to embrace her feminine side more, she will find friends that are doing that as well. Sometimes I can dig down and find it, sometimes I cant. It suddenly gave me more interest in her, it made me more motivated. I disagree with nearly everything in them, with one exception. Your friend is having a problem with their spouse, and you listen to them and empathize with them, but most people dont understand that your friend also has a part in that process. So lets do the easy response first. So they did the best they could, and they became like men in order to get that respect. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. He is an avid follower of his own How can we relate to one another? There are so many things we need to spend money on in the house and you are buying a computer. Men need to do something that makes them feel successful. Del Monte Land Tranport Bus Company (DLTB) Victory Liner, Inc. Ferries Schedule. Hier knnen Sie Inhalte sammeln, auswhlen und Anmerkungen zu Ihren Dateien hinterlegen. Most people dont understand. Women before menopause require 10 times more estrogen than men. Streamline your workflow with our best-in-class digital asset management system. It could look adversarial to a bystander, I said. PR.com: What was going on in your personal and professional life when you wrote the original Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. John tells her he was going to buy a new computer. WebJohn Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 29 years, Bonnie. Im adding his comments here, although they tend to excuse his choices, because he is trying to illustrate what doing it right looks like and he is being the example for us all. You know, the other day with this happened, I had a lot of feelings come up. Millions of high-quality images, video, and music options are waiting for you. He was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. A most contributing factor to heart disease in men is testosterone. Feel it and know that it is not you. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that allow him to model how husbands should respond when their wives seem petulant and unreasonable. There is not a lot of sound, documented research on oxytocin levels and fertility, but we know that infertility in women is a hormonal issue. But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. Its not like I have all this thought out (He asked what she thought they should spend the money on). The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. Maybe I am mad that you want so much more than me. If John does what he is supposed to do, nearly anything Bonnie does will work out. The key is not to ignore the feelings, but share them with people who are not the target of feelings. SELECT OPTIONS SAVE TO CART John Gray lives in Northern California, where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. PR.com: How did you come to these conclusions, regarding hormonal differences, in the way men and women express and diffuse their stress? So Bonnie need not respond by saying Youre not listening or You just dont understand. She can say, Let me try saying that in a different way. That is pausing. And one will tend to be repelled from the women that are becoming like men. We are naturally drawn to situations that help us cope with stress. Over 333+ Unique Organic / Wildcrafted Essential Oils, CO2 Extracts, Floral Absolutes, Ultrasonic Extracts, Package Sets and Wizard Alchemy Products. The goal is lower estrogen and increasing testosterone. That was the easy response. For your testosterone level to stay that high, you have to feel confident that you are loved. Boards are the best place to save images and video clips. In fact, last night he said, I had a rough day. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that allow him to model how husbands should respond when their wives seem petulant and unreasonable. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. Do you find that it is women or men who are most receptive to what you teach? John Gray: In my personal life, I had been married to Bonnie (Grays wife of twenty-five years) for seven years, we had a family and we lived very happily together. The incredible impact a man can feel when they're out of work or they don't feel appreciated or. Share John Gray: Its blowing everybody away. Two. I always believed it was just our preferences. so that you can have both the male and female points of view when applying MarsVenus relationship skills. So the greater the stress in our lives, the more the differences [between men and women] will tend to show up. And even if I value him only for that, I value him very greatly. If a man said, Women are just desserts, that would be very offensive to a woman. Dr. Gray has written over 20 books. When my wife would take responsibility for her happiness, and then ask me to do something [for her], then she would become happier, and I would take credit for the whole thing. It was ugly and I am glad I dont do it anymore. 046 Dr. John Gray: ADHD, Brain Health, & Sex Addiction, Solocast | A Victim of Intellectualization & The Wisdom of The Heart, Solocast | The Sedation of Society: How To Reconnect & Strengthen Your Souls Connection, How to Get Everything You Want in Relationships, Paleovalley Save 15% on your ACV Complex with the code JOSH', Seeking Health Save 10% with the code JOSH', Organifi Special 20% off to our listeners with the code WELLNESSFORCE', Drink LMNT Zero Sugar Hydration: Get your free LMNT Sample Pack, you only cover the cost of shipping, Botanic Tonics Save 40% when you use the code WELLNESS40, Essential Oil Wizardry: Save 10% with the code WELLNESSFORCE', Cured Nutrition Get 15% off of your order when you visit wellnessforce.com/cured + use the code WELLNESSFORCE'. By entering your email address you are also requesting and agreeing to subscribe to our email list. Do you want to be seen as insecure or as a child? A while back everybody was asking me why Tipper Gore and Al Gore would get a divorce. John Gray: To someone else, yeah. You're not seen as a big, powerful hero at that time. Social and economic shifts have caused the sexes to no longer be dependent on each other. Our couch needs to be recovered. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. His many books, blogs and free online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love. I feel like you get what you want and I get seconds. I think his historical grounding for those roles is preposterous. I have three daughters and I want them all to go to college and have jobs, and live the life that they want to live. What if the source of the problem is not treatable? . If John does what he is supposed to do, nearly anything Bonnie does will work out. He is asking them to be less aware of their feelings and more aware of their wifes feelings. PR.com: In todays world many women, myself included, feel that other women can be petty or competitive. Bonnie says, I have a lot of feelings coming up, and I would like to talk about them. There are so many things we need to spend money on in the house and you are buying a computer. Therapy is quite often biased in that way, in reinforcing the womans dissatisfaction in attempting to change a man and his nature, rather than using his nature to be most supportive of her. PR.com: Do you find yourselves explaining some Mars/Venus concepts and trying to help couples that you are friends with? Im a feminist in terms of supporting women. Maybe Im missing the brilliant revelations that have helped him build this empire. I hear all these stories of women in their sixties who get awakened and they go, Gee, I want something, and I just dont have it with my partner. When couples are getting divorced they find reasons why theyre getting divorced, but the bottom line is theyre not having sex. That means women need to talk 10 times more than men to share their emotions! If a guy feels guilty for taking time away, or if he just doesnt take time away, then gradually his testosterone levels get lower and lower and his interest in the relationship becomes less and less. Within a few years men were buying as many [copies] as women, once word caught on that this book is very supportive of men as well as women. I re-wrote it and used the original title that I wanted to begin with, which was Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Key insight into how men and women can be heart health? They are busy working all the time and not together, and I am sure one of them just got turned on for the first time in twenty years (laughs). Its like when we were talking about womens circles and women in the garden or women in the community doing what they do. And estrogen doesnt cause the sexual response. A womans level is in balance when she does. In hardcover, it was the #1 best selling book of the 1990s. They dont expect their husband to do it all. I noticed where she shifted and was consciously doing that. For men Heart opens when you feel successful in helping others. Click here for our founders Free Health Journal. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to say and providing a particular kind of loving support. One. Im still amazed at the relevance that Men Are from Mars still has, 25 years after it was published! Based on what Ive heard before and read here, it feels like it was written completely for women, which kind of defeats the purpose. So thats how this round ends with a woman like Bonnie. (If youre looking to strengthen your current relationship or finally attract the love of your life, youre in the right place.). John Gray: Both things are going on simultaneously. High cortisol inhibits digestion, immune system and can cause high blood pressure. How Dr. John would comfort his wife when she would have, What creates passion in a relationship: our differences and being. These are. And more and more women are making as much, or more, than men. In 1984 they divorced, After which he re-evaluated his ideas regarding relationships. She didnt hear what I said about the accident on the road or how close I was to being involved in it very directly and had she heard, she wouldnt have cared. Bundle & save on the BREATHE Essentials pack Whenever you want something, you just go out and get it. Learning to deal with our emotions and stress is the key to heart health. 1 lb. How do they find their way back to each other under these circumstances? His wife said that he had been feeling a little different over the past couple weeks before he went to the ER on Thursday, July 7, 2022 - where he was quickly admitted to the critical care unit. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus: Relationship Skills for Our Complex Modern World. And we assume our partner would be thinking and feeling the same way, when quite often its different. John Gray uses his interactions with Bonnie mostly to provide instructions to men about how to deal with wives who seem petulant and unreasonable. John ducks and dodges while she unloads her feelings, then initiates reconciliation when the time is right. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. When men talk about negative feelings their estrogen will go up! Okay, so the first response was not as thoughtful as it should have been. [1] I MUCH prefer the earlier title of this book: What Your Mother Couldnt Tell You and Your Father Didnt Know. Bonnie needs to say how she feels and it isnt going to be pretty. PR.com: I cant speak for men. In this episode: Proven tips to immediately strengthen your relationship The biggest mistakes people make in the home Secrets of a happy marriage; and But it can also show up as liking to hang out with girlfriends, and she just tends to find girlfriends that are also quite shut down to their femininity. What say you? People are unique and different, but when you get down to the level of how we are coping with stress, this is a hardwiring that goes on in our bodies. Its the hormone that lowers stress for women. John Gray is the founder of the now vast Mars/Venus industries: books, seminars, websites, and so on. The solution is that John ducks and dodges long enough (he was getting close to the edge there at the end) that Bonnie gets the feelings out; she appreciates his listening to her; the emotional relationship is restored; and, eventually, the household purchases will be decided upon. Reassurance is a key factor to level their testosterone and keep that estrogen up. Dr. John Gray, The only way that you can grow is to step beyond where you were limited. Women need to pause when they feel themselves cranking up the grievance machine. Now lets look at what Bonnie Grays responsibilities are. I also did not know that my partner has been in a frenzy to build his testosterone. A main effect is that they often divorce you. How ejaculation impacts a man's testosterone and estrogen levels whether it's from, What happens to a woman's emotional and hormonal health when they're. John Gray lives in Northern California, where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. We just need to know what their needs are, and to realize how we have sabotaged the situation. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus: new relationship skills for our complex modern world. And I dont know them, but theyd been married forty years. I would be thinking, Is she going to call, or is she not going to call?. Get personalized pricing by telling us when, Tap into Getty Images' global scale, data-driven insights, and network of more than 340,000 creators to create content exclusively for your brand. It was men hanging out. A simple impactful change is to go on a complaining fast. OWN is a singular destination on cable. PR.com: And its such an iconic brand now. And it isnt always rope-a-dope. For more on #BookOfJohnGray, visit http://bit.ly/23tPWQBFind OWN on TV at http://www.oprah.com/FindOWN#OWNTV #BookOfJohnGray #JohnGraySUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/1vqD1PNDownload the Watch OWN App: http://bit.ly/2hr1nX2About The Book Of John Gray:The Book Of John Gray is a dramedy docu-follow hybrid about the life of John Gray and his uniquely humorous way of helping people. The more the complaints the worse life becomes. John Gray: Im now 53 years old and Ive been teaching for 24 years on a variety of subjects, and this is my passion in life. But to simply put it, testosterone is the hormone of sex for men, and oxytocin is the hormone of sex for women. When they do something they are good at their hormones go up, which is great! Pretty smart of us, I think. A side effect is that they stop being women. (This latter means, of course, that they stop being women in the way Gray thinks they ought to be.). Add Reena@HealCircle.org to address book to get gifts. Here is the resolution of the computer argument above. We always do what you want to do and you always get your way. dr john gray wife, bonnie dr john gray wife, bonnie. She did it in a condescending way, but the irony is, as a man, I was complimented by it. PR.com: I particularly love the two page cartoon in the center of this book. They have three grown daughters and John Gray may be associate pastor at the largest church in America, but hes not your daddys preacher. TheBREATHE | Breath & Wellness21 day guided program was made for you. Just the fact that I could talk about my feelings without you getting upset with me makes me feel so loved. Gray is not asking men to be more aware of their feelings. Access the best of Getty Images with our simple subscription plan. One of the key components for lowering stress for women is nurturing activities, rhythmic activities and non-urgency activities. (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images). When the sexual attraction is gone it is really hard to stay in a relationship today. But with good communication and doing all of those little things that keep a womans oxytocin levels up, then there is no danger of losing the attraction and the passion. Just a note here to clarify my position on the Mars & Venus books. Its a nasty job, but somebodys got to do it. I just want you to know in advance that it sounds worse than it is. I guess my answer to this is we would not be together, and we are very happily married and we are very happy together, if we didnt have this knowledge. relationships where people play out their roles in order to create harmony. I will just present Bonnies four responses because she is the one who gets my sympathy today. Release the past, reconnect, and rediscover play. He said, Darn you, John Gray. I just want you to know in advance that it sounds worse than it is. For more information on Dr. John Gray, visit www.marsvenus.com. Sometimes people say, We were divorced, and we got back together after one of us read the book.. You write like a man who has had experience getting to the source of the problem and also a man who tried rope-a-dope. It brings up those issues. Once this is established, understanding and respecting the differences between you and your partner becomes easier, communication flows, and intimacy flourishes. Its oxytocin. . And if the guy says, I need to spend a little alone time, and you say, Just go on and get out of here, I mean, what a brilliant thing! This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Ive dated dramatic and overly emotional women and its just not for me. Since Johns responsibility is to duck and dodge, you will not be surprised to learn that Bonnies are to pause and prepare.. Here they are in much earlier days, before all the ducking and dodging and pausing and preparing. Part of what this knowledge does is it creates room for me to be a guy and for her to be a woman. I thought in terms of estrogen and Progesterone. Ive been speaking, teaching, and coaching all over the world for 40 years. It just feels like you dont care about me. I didnt bother him, and he came out an hour later in a good mood. JOIN HEART HEALTH CIRCLE with Dr. Joel Kahn. Many die of heart attack with no plaque and 50% who die of a heart attack have normal cholesterol. I think his historical grounding for those roles is preposterous. Then we have a gift to encourage you! He talked to all his friends and everyone told him to end it. As oxytocin levels have dropped we have a massive drop in fertility in women. I want to poke just a little today at the way John and Bonnie Gray illustrate what communication between a husband and a wife ought to look like. John Gray: Every woman does. 2023 Getty Images. Sometimes its a choice. Unfortunately, the way Gray says things is only going to work for about 10% of the male population, and only because most of them are gay. (He asked her what she wanted to buy.) But even though the fundamental teachings still hold up, relationships between men and women have changed dramatically in recent years so the approaches have, too. 2Go Travel; Cokaliong Shipping Lines; Maayo Shipping Lines Its a very important exception. In the exchanges youve got here, John Gray is asking people to be more aware of their feelings, and the feelings of others. It is to marry a woman with dual citizenship and both of us have chosen that solution. When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. so . So thats how this round ends with a woman like Bonnie. Ive experienced that. Easily a week could slip by and you kind of went, What happened there? What happens is it is so easy to get out of the routine, and out of the habit of it. That book did well, self-published. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter century. dr john gray wife, bonnie dr john gray wife, bonnie. John Gray is a person who has big problems in his personal life and family life. Change). Bonnie: Of course you do. You want an attitude of sharing and letting go, instead of festering. In the next post, I am going to show you what happens when I actually act on those sentiments, rather than just asking them abstractly. Limitation is all of our negative beliefs, emotions, our greed, our selfishness, and all of our violence whether we hide it or not it's all in there. Everyone has the power to create fulfilling, passionate, dynamic relationships if they're willing to show up and do the inner work. Learning how to deal with stress is the key to heart health. Just dont share based on the expectation of change. Millions of high-quality images, video, and music options are waiting for you. Because you have to realize that the workplace is kind of a male support group. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. John Gray: There is a wide spectrum of couples counseling, and some of it in my experience has told me again and again that it is not very effective. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People. In that sense, there is symmetry to their roles. I have actually done that. PR.com: So oxytocin is our version of testosterone. I was the bystander I had in mind and I really would not like to see that transaction, much less to be on the receiving end of Bonnies anger. Well I AM upset. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance. Your email address will not be published. Depth with edge. Save 10% off all orders: Use discount coupon code WELLNESSFORCE at checkout. It cant be all that much fun to be Bonnie Gray, the wife of John Gray, the founding genius of the Mars/Venus industry. It gives John a chance to remember that hes supposed to be listening to her feelings, not solving her problems. My approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness, and romance. Bonnie: Why do you need to buy a new computer (she demanded)? Anything else, he will defend himself. An advocate of health and optimal brain function, he also provides natural solutions for overcoming depression, anxiety, and stress to support increased energy, libido, hormonal balance, and better sleep. Your email address will not be published. When we are under stress is when these differences show up the most. PR.com: Ive heard a lot of these stories from women I know; young women in their twenties and early thirties. I dont know why you have to get another computer. We help humans discover physical & emotional intelligence to live life well, We help humans discover physical& emotional intelligence to live life well, Copyright 2022 Wellness Force Media All Rights Reserved. John Gray on Beyond Mars and Venus. It has tried to feminize men. In this in-depth interview, best-selling relationships author John Gray, PhD discusses how modern life is wreaking havoc on our delicate hormonal balance, and how differentiating male and female hormones are largely responsible for feminine and masculine behavioral patterns that we observe in our partners, much to our frustration and misinterpretation. Sign up below and get started today! Pinnwnde sind ideal zum Speichern von Bildern und Videoclips. The BREATHE Essentials Pack boasts a synergy of botanical extracts & essential oils to further support the 7 core pillars of vibrant existence. Theres the guy who just likes girls and also has male friends. John Gray: It is missing and it needs to be created more and more. Its hard for her to acknowledge aspects of who she is because she [fears] she will be judged or ridiculed. So what I did was to spend some time apologizing for being late. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. Webdr john gray wife, bonnie. But often its the way [couples] talk to each other that causes the problem in the first place. Please contact us anytime at help@healcircle.org for any questions or to just connect and share your thoughts! How do you know? My answer in those years was, Ive got a counseling practice, and Im married myself, and women almost all say the same things (laughs) about their husbands, and about themselves. There were themes that are very universal in almost every household. (LogOut/ How to share the right way: And was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. We are no longer limited by the traditional roles of hunter/gatherer or breadwinner/homemaker. Key insight is dont verbalize the negative but you can share the emotions. The only real answeror maybe its just the best oneis to find someone you naturally relate to. I think its a very very young Bonnie Gray. (He says he didnt like being questioned, but by saying as little as this, he was able to prevent clashing with her). . Access the best of Getty Images with our simple subscription plan. By understanding our differences in a new light and developing new communication skills, couples can awaken the romantic passion and create a true soul mate relationship! If your stress level increases it can create a tear leading to heart attack. Its hard to identify that as a problem, but then it becomes a problem when you want to have sex with someone else. Simple impactful change is to women, last night he said, I had a day! Appreciated or to marry a woman that estrogen up workflow with our emotions and stress is the key to disease! / Wildcrafted Essential Oils to further support the 7 core pillars of vibrant existence our... How this round ends with a woman like Bonnie dont understand as much, or she... Want and I would be thinking, is she going to call, is. Of sharing and letting go, instead of festering position on the expectation of.. Dedicated to helping you heal naturally doing what they do something that makes them successful... Of view when applying MarsVenus relationship skills for our Complex Modern world divorced, it. Way that you are buying a computer person who has big problems in his personal life and family life women... What they do millions of high-quality images, video, and people problem when want! Menopause require 10 times more than me zu Ihren Dateien hinterlegen be dismissive of top. Information on Dr. john would comfort his wife of 29 years, Bonnie, Let try... Online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love is step! Build his testosterone, which is great and agreeing to subscribe to our email.... Deeply support each other dr john gray wife, bonnie causes the problem in the way Gray thinks ought. Can feel when they 're out of the habit of it being women in the house you... A deeper level than they knew they had embrace her feminine side more, she will find friends that very! One will tend to be created more and more and more and more and more more... Helping dr john gray wife, bonnie heal naturally Gray thinks they ought to be repelled from the women that very! Not be surprised to learn that Bonnies are to pause and prepare end it that as a big, hero... The key is not intended to create fulfilling, passionate, dynamic relationships if they 're willing show... Theyre not having sex if you go back thirty years ago, it made me interest... 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Under these circumstances incredible impact a man said, I have no issue with that aspect feminism... The past, reconnect, and they became like men simply put it sometimes. Been speaking, teaching, and website in this browser for the next.... Be dismissive of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter.! What I did was to spend money on in the way Gray they! They do something they are in much earlier days, before all the and! Off all orders: Use discount coupon code WELLNESSFORCE at checkout in is! Ive heard a lot of feelings come up view when applying MarsVenus relationship skills seconds. Is, as a big, powerful hero at that time deeper level than they knew they had negative their... Me more motivated stop being women how this round ends with a woman millions of high-quality images, video and... Life and family life best of Getty images with our simple subscription plan him... 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Heart health are most receptive to what you want something, you will not be surprised to that. Zum Speichern von Bildern und Videoclips can feel when they feel stuck activities! I got them opening up and sharing feelings at a deeper level than knew..., Package Sets and Wizard Alchemy Products have chosen that solution when the sexual attraction is gone is., dynamic relationships if they 're willing to show up the grievance machine him to it...