He supposedly had many stalkers, told elaborate stories and his exs were supposedly all too needy or crazy (red flags I wish I noticed early on). I was struggling to deal with his alcoholism and depression. The dynamic is pretty much the same as narcissism difficulties. The silent treatment is really a cruel form of abuse and it includes more, like ignoring and shunning, and treating you as if your opinion doesnt count. Its a disappointment issue. Its a long story, but yes,I did hurt him unintentionally. Hi omg just read what I put a year ago, we got back together, but nothing has changed, its true everything is about them, not his fault, its taken me seven years to realize he cant change, Ive adapted to him , he doesnt realize how much Ive changed for him loosing my identity slowly, I really Love him but he had a melt down Xmas, no thought for me, he couldnt even tell me why, I spent a fortune he spent nothing, and then when it (seemed) suited he was back on the scene!! We admit we do not know what NT's mean by 'love', especially as NTs are so duplicit or at least fickle. Hello , He with Aspergers, was so affectionate and loving. The aspie may terminate their relationship as a way of punishing themselves or they may begin to self-harm in other ways. Also taking walks together. From what i have expierienced they Will not, cannot chang because their own trauma in looking into themselves Will Cruseman them too much pain. We went through a serious disagreement about her choice of partners. Oh well his loss! Be kind to Yourself. Only when he has some sort of an emotional meltdown his goes silent. I cant make sense of whats going on in his head, whats leading him to justify himself and carry on like this. Everything is YOUR fault. How can I sleep with someone and move forward with no feedback? I feel like my life is passing me by. Bc in a way what my mom did was right but what she caused was just to get me to herself which shes done so many times in the past. They latch on to an NT because your empathy attracts themthey see a victim. You took it for as long as you could, reasoning that they were insecure and suffering from mental illness. Weve been on a roller coaster ride since our eldest was born. I met a lovely lady 10 years my junior online. The sensory issues that used to overwhelm you didnt seem to have as much power as they used to. Look after You. Ive made it very evident to him that I love him and want to be with him. That killed me. Your email address will not be published. Doesnt ask how Im feeling. But, a person with cancer has millions of resources that are helpful to understand cancer and what it means and future options. Look after you he wont . I have tried to Express my feelings to him and he shut me down saying he doesnt want to hear it. We have been together for over 2 years. The pain and trauma that these people bring to your life Will make you doubt your very own self. Many on the Spectrum would be horrified by the trauma inflicted on you. But I just dont know what to do. This is also why I formed an interventional support group on Meetup, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD. What do I need to do? I decided that I was happy in the relationship but we had to break up because I asked him only twice in 6 months if he would ever consider marriage later or if he knows that he wants to be a bachelor forever. After seven months of making my BF feel amazing (as he put it everyday), I literally got flowers one time on my bday and told I was pretty only on that day. In the year that we were together, when we were in each others presence, he was very emotional and empathetic. She was defensive. Start with that. (I'm sorry, Wrong Planet isn't allowing me to post the link.) He demanded me to leave his room, I did nt, he leant over me and screamed in my face to get out. We have been meeting for 13 years using Meetup as our gathering place. He has no empathy my friend. Doesnt let any friends know the door code to his apartment building and has to let them in. They tell a lot when they get mad. I love him anyway. Be kind to You. I guess that is what this is???? Even when hes hurt you. A bus driver with Asperger's Syndrome who was called an 'illiterate imbecile' and 'sp****' by work colleagues has won a 30,000 payout. It benefits nobody. Others find eye contact uncomfortable, unhelpful, or distracting, as we have difficulty "reading" the nonverbal messages people communicate with . There have been a few things like him still being on dating sites and sexual messages with an ex-work colleague but we have talked through and I have forgiven him. Yes my friend it is Normalfor Them..that is. It took a week, but we finally ran into each other. Now, he is too scared to come back. I tried silence that did not work then one day he just said we are finished would not speak to me so I left and have filed for an annulment. Common ASD symptoms are motor coordination challenges, delayed decision-making skills and problems with executive functioning (those higher-level thinking skills, like multi-tasking). These people are Mindblind. I guess I have been "on trial" all these months and didn't know it. Thank you for having the courage to comment on this tough subject. Im going through this with my fianc right now. That's what I'm going to try and do, but I know how difficult it is to wait sometimes, but if you show him you care enough to give him space, he might be more willing to talk and go back to how things were. He has been fixated on COVID intently all year and is obsessed. Im a high functioning Aspie and broke up with my NT ex by giving her the silent treatment aka ghosting. There was this big thing that had been planned, this trip or a friends wedding or a family holiday, and you had your first real fight. I certainly grieve over my mistakes and wished Id had the insight I have now. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. He stood up and left the room and asked me to leave the house. His behavior is not about you, but a demonstration of his disability. Being married to an aspie is a very lonely road to be on. I finally asked if he wasnt attracted to me and he said it isnt me. I felt lied to and discarded. If you cannot runchildren..healthfinancial then forge a life without them in it. Tbh at this point I already suspected he may be ASD or on the spectrum. I hope this doesnt sound too negative. He's made his decision to leave because he can't express his needs and I don't read minds. So if he wont talk to the Rabbi or a psychologist, take yourself and the kids to these professionals. Hello Bob. When I suggested he see his Dr, he got mad at me and defensive. So its a matter of waiting to see when he is ready to talk. We are equally puzzled by the NT world. I know that is an extremely emotional and difficult situation. You feared that the fairy tale was over. Note Im a very social person. Ive just had this conversation with her and she says shes trying to remind me to do it, not nagging and that shes just trying to be helpful. Where once you were a hero and life-saver, now you were being considered a terror. For Aspies the silent treatment is not necessarily vindictive, but self preservation. Luckily we are not married and do not live together so if we do separate there is less at stake, except my heart and a long investment. 8. Just keep on showing you love him, and that you're willing to give him space and not talk about it right away, but make sure he knows you want to talk about it, and hopefully he'll come and talk to you about everything. We set a one month period to get together and talk. I have experienced the Silent Treatment 2 times now. They create a mask for the rest of us, but anyone will tire eventually if they have to pretend constantly. He left a long term relationship to be with me, he has a child, also on the spectrum. 'Sa tonight', the same thing happened to me with my AS friend. Much love to you and your little one. He told me that he could not be in a romantic relationship and that the most he could offer me was friendship, but he needed time to take care of himself. He didnt seem to mind at all. Similarly, manipulative behaviour can often come across as simply "needy". He instead emailed my lawyer saying Ill pay for whatever she needs to deal with her mom yet wont call me back or text me back. Ive lived this and could not take anymore after 5 years of hell! This sensitive, charismatic person became so awkward and distant in public. But the best part was that they loved those parts of you that you had to hide from everyone else. I have done and said everything to meet my partners needs. As for not saying goodbye it was probably just too much and too hurtful for him. He cant lie very well. I just want it to work out but Im afraid after reading a lot of these posts it will never get better and I dont want to accept it. I keep going over his characteristics and they all add up. I was thinking that if Im going to try and support him, I need to have some assurance that he wants to take our relationship seriously! With a personality difficulty, its entitlement. I was making conversation in an IM and he took it as an insult. Getentrepreneurial.com: Resources for Small Business Entrepreneurs in 2022. They need very specialized therapists. But for Autists its out of sight, out of mind. He loves the male therapist, But my boyfriend just goes where the conversation leads to during sessions. So I told them to leave. What religion? Im sorry but its just evil to do that. I knew deep down he loved me, I loved him but I could not keep subjecting myself to the pain and rejection. What I cant stand is not feeling like Im on stable ground ever. It got worse because my wife went through a period of depression and started taking antidepressants and I think that makes it even worse. I am a 25 year old NT girl in a relationship with a well known musician who told me he has Aspergers. I also wondered if there is someone else. Hi July 21st and thanks for responding! When things started getting real or life too stressful.. Its all so sad, All your stories. avoid certain activities or expectations. How have things developed with you a year later? he remembers minute details about me and finds ways to complement me. We seem to be able to get along then he started saying I talk to much. I didnt figure it out until year 18 so the damage was beyond repair. He is cold, vacant and empty. Oh my God. Poor . I tried calling a couple times and his phone would go straight to voicemail. I've had this happen to me, and it's quite devastating. Im confused. And often in online support groups of women only, I cant relate to topics such as physical abuse or outraged/angry approaches. I suspect the author is aware enough to realize that this one sided relationship will not work. My bf was wonderful in the beginning. Hi Rachel. Again I said that I would talk if they would stop yelling. dispite all these small but significant things I really do love his kindness his honesty and generous to a fault. To learn more just click on the Meetup logo on my website. I believe she is an Aspie, so I forgive her for saying harsh things when I expressed my feelings. I study to become a psychologist, so I even have a special interest in people's diversity. 32 years later I have turned myself inside out trying to please my Aspie husband and doing what he likes. I just scheduled a video appointment for you in early February. They don't know why they don't like it but they can think of lots of fancy excuses. If you or your child become ill, his response may be to care only about the financials or to disappear. It's a difficult question and the answers would vary considerably from one person to another and would depend greatly on the circumstances. He asked me a month before, how are you feeling about me and my behavior. I know its hard but no one is entitled to hurt others. They had no judgement about what most would consider to be broken or weird. I cant help but see the man I love trapped in there deep inside, and the two of us have such a deep bond. Its not what we thought would happen to us when we took vows on our wedding day. He was and still is in strong denial. Neuro-Divergent relationships are complex. That day has come, sad as it is but Im loosing myself and getting nothing back!! I dont want to leave but feel that there is no choice as I am not going to keep living like this. Get rid of these sick partners. He also gave me the silent treatment the who day. You are not alone Ashley. We know that many problems cannot be fixed. Few weeks after we reconnected and decided to start over again. The last fight, he ignored me for 3 days and he went back, he said he wont do things like we did before anymore, then he start to "stay cold" to me, spend less time than before, not even a video call or share thing together, i'm trying to get him back, gently with him, encourage him but i'm not sure if it work :(. And I mean down for days. Anyway he ignores my existence so Its all I can do . I have a 33 years marriage to another Aspie (I realised). With age I can tell you it gets worse every single day. Vicky, I hear ya!! Sometimes we have to quit to solve a problem. It is Hell. He does not miss you in the way you do him. Wonderful beautiful Aspie love suddenly disappeared. I got hurt. They feel obliterated by your strength, so in turn try to obliterate you. Im so appreciative of these sites as it really does help knowing others understand, and I am in NO WAY being detrimental to Aspies, Ive tried soooooo hard to make it work but unless its reciprocated, it never will, and as this platform says Aspies are individuals but all see to have the main traits needed for a loving relationship but I wish all those tying good luck!!! Its a difficulty, not an excuse. (Our pets are our children). In your formative years, you do very little time management and it's usually your parents who set alarms and cajole you out of bed, harass you into getting dressed, slog through the breakfast routine, push you into the car and drop you off at school. I'm sorry you had this experience with your boyfriend. Is it hard to date an autistic man? They will even misunderstand therapists and use the misinterpreted info. Dont take this on yourself. I have tried for a long time but the people we saw made things worse. I find out a few days later he was still talking to his best friend. Which I said to him once and he blew it all out of proportion. I need the break away from it all. Apparently, he masked his true self to get me and then left me scared, lonely and sad. Imagine being an NT in an asperger world. My aspie husband still miserable having left but refuses to look at his own behaviours or get help . He would end work days and say he was drained and just wanted to watch tv without talking. You get the pointif you can avoid the marriage to an ASD I would even though I get itthey have some wonderful traits but so does the NT. He has a strong distrust of therapy because when I mentioned I might start going to counseling to address my anxiety, he rubbished the idea. You learned to trust. You were living your life as usual, but your partner began feeling like your independent actions had something to do with them. 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