I think children, at least those without attachment disorders (could this be a possibility with your daughter, I cant recall if you wrote that your little girl IS attached to her dad and just not to you? At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. Try to sit back and be proud of yourself! And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. i know i need to love her now but do feel so sad when she pushes away from me. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. I hear a lot of guilt in what you write. But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. She would be able to go years without knowing anything about us. The Reddit . I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. Here's what we tried, and what finally worked! My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. This phenomenon of opting out is actually not widespread. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. Not that your girl has bonded too much with your mom; it is actually great that she feels safe with grandma too, but that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with your daughter, since you are away from home and work. I feel as though he hates me. Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you just stay at home and spend time together. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. And I was the one at home. Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. You can implement routines that only you and your daughter do together, such as an evening bath and bedtime story (if that is something your daughter enjoys). I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. He loves her and often she is so mean that he gets his feelings hurt. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. He fights me on everything. The situation must be painful for you. or something similar. She is in love, so to say, and wants to be with you all the time. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). It breaks my heart and I consider just leaving her. For a few weeks before my mat leave ended, I let myself soak in all the pre-emptive nostalgia, mourning all of our "lasts": our last mat-leave breakfast, our last mat-leave walk, our last mat-leave . it is breaking my heart. I recently read a study about the massive positive effects of just spending 15 minutes with a child every day 15 minutes with 100% focus on the child. Ive experienced this rejection since she is about 3 months old, but it is now that she expresses herself that it is really affecting me and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. Good luck and let us know how things develop! It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. :) :) :). Pace yourself, with paced feeding. what can i do to make it better? I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. The child speaks to everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes hysterical. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. This time is so precious and so short. I have watched them interact from a distance and she smiles, dances, and plays with him. it really was beautiful. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. My daughter doesnt cry when she is with me but she just doesnt want to cuddle or be close. It is so important that you separate this! The worst thing is that when my husband holds him, he snuggles and cuddles into his daddy and smiles and babbles, and my heart just breaks. Im so depressed over this. It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. I know he is only 9 months but shouldnt 9 month old babies already recognise their mothers? Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. his my world!! Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. I am a house mum now and have been all my sons life. dont get me wrong, she just doesnt seem to have any kind of attachment to me at all.it makes me feel worthlesssomeone replaceableis this something that will pass, or should I talk to her doctor? For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. I have a 9-month-old baby, who doesnt seem to want me anymore. Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . Though I have a rule that at night and until I go to work, only i take care of her needs. Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. He now prefers my mom over me and could care less if Im around. Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. Join her in her happiness when dad come home and let her know that her love of dad is OK. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Ive read what Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different and I understand. (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). Continue to do things alone with your boy that is an excellent way to maintain a good relationship even when he has become an older kid, teenager and adult. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. I used to have a very tight relationship with my parents. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. my 13 month old is having the worth temper tandrums ever. A stock image of a woman waving goodbye to her son and a small child. I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. Can you please help? What a painful situation you are in! And you know what? everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. Quote #4. Although I?m not working my mother in law takes care of him most of the time as he hates to be with me. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. we spend so much time with our babies, i think its natural for them to pick up on our vibe. When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. please give me some advice. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. Mom's Question: Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. But they arent helping your relationship with your child. So a temporary solution is essential. this is just a phase. Im very concerned about you. Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks. One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. But if grandma or grandpa or daddy was her he would def go with one of them instead of me! You can read more about baby development at different months here. She is breastfed but dh has been been We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. What she calls you means nothing. I am feeling so rejected and lonely. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. It is totally heart breaking. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. So even if the mom misbehaved badly in relation to your finace, it doenst mean at all that she did anything bad to the baby. While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. At 15 months, she lives in the present. Is that true? I cant imagine how hard it must be to have lived with this with your daughter for years. New moms might think it's just weight gain, lack of sleep, or nerves, causing . What a tricky situation you are all in! Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. I have been struggling with the same thing for the last two weeks. I do everything to. Reclaim your motherhood of your child. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. But it is so important! This could change any day. If your baby is younger than one year, even if she seems to be losing interest in breastfeeding, chances are she is not yet ready to wean. xxx. He doesnt kiss, hug or cuddle with me. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. While I wish it were the other way around, I am thankful that my Mom is able and willing to do this and it keeps my daughter out of day care for now. I am really concerned with my family in the way how my daughter prefers only me when I am around. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. Hold your baby skin to skin, and keep your baby close. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. How can you respond when he's overly attached to one parent? Very hopeful! It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. I dont get it. Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. Ask your employer if something like this is an option. Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. She wants me over anybody except when they are around. I used to adore my parents to death. And I really felt that it started to work almost immediately. To all those beautiful mummies and daddies who have shared their heart with us, you are so not alone, I have had pnd anxiety since my little man was about 2 months old and I used to feel this way so much that it broke my spirit and heart. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. Some babies who take a bottle early . Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. That was quite hard, when I was feeling like I was being rejected and that I was doing something wrong. I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. This will help you to feel connected with your baby. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. Its the school holidays now and its like even though im spending more time with him, there are times he prefers his grandma. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! So it did happen, but it took awhile and, like I wrote before, he still prefers my partner maybe 60-70% of the time (again only when the stark choice is between us only). I am so confused and sad. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. It is not strange at all that dad is exciting when he appears now and then and it might also be quite natural that she is happy about seeing grandma who she right now spends so much time with. In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. I have a 2 year old daughter. But he just doesnt seem to need me. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. Praise your wife when she manages to be cool about it it isnt easy! It will pass. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. Employees who have access to these benefits express 1.5 times greater work satisfaction and are 2.5 times less likely to miss . Chances are that he will start to listen and co-operate much better if you have more fun together. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. Do it now. It has shown to be a very effective tool to make children both bond and co-operate instead of challenging us and our rules. What you need to do is to take a step back and stop taking your daughters preferences as evidence that you have done everything wrong. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. Thats good too; try to see that. Please dont give up. I had to return to work recently (4 days a week) and daddy is at home more and takes my son to nursery and picks him up. I think its because Im with her a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom she can get. Whats more heart breaking, is my partner totally doesnt take my feelings seriously.& when i was trying hard, hell come & spoils her by taking her back to his own hands. When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. Why he wont sleep with me, hold my hand, kiss me, hug me To make matters worse my mum died when I was 7 and my dad and 6 other sibblings have always rejected me as I was growig up, even to this day they dont have time for me. He also loves his father and grandmother. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. Im a 26 yr old dad. I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. Id say that is completely normal! Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. Weekends too. When I am in the US, I try to work from home on most days so I can spend time with my children. So they want to carried around the clock, wont play by themselves, cant be handed over to anyone else but mom or possibly dad without screaming like there was no tomorrow. Seventy-five percent of the women Brody surveyed said they wished they had been able to take a longer maternity leave. Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. Im a very good mom, so why doesnt she see that? And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. Or is she a bit distant to you also then? Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. Its been in the past few weeks that I have noticed that my almost year old son basically forgets that Im here when my husband or my mother walks in the door. yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. thank you for writing tips on coping. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. Our relationship has became better in the past few months and she seems to like me more than before. My daughter is my first child and I have waited a long time to have her. But all this can be easily changed! Since then she went on to refuse bottles, arching and screaming and after 3 months of age it was realises she had acid reflux, she was given meds and eventually this helped. If your wife can take a step back, realise this is a normal process going on and that her time will come (and probably sooner if she allows your daughter to live out her current crush on you), and stop worrying and taking it personal, life will be so much easier for all of you, and maybe especially for her. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. Im so glad I found this post! I often feel that I could leave any day, never to return and my daughter would never notice. You can never get this time back. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. Mine is something similar. Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. Personally, I think reading books about child development and how to help your child in life can be very rewarding both to help one as a parent with becoming more confident and also to find ways to be able to discuss how to raise a child without it becoming angry or sensitive. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . Stroke baby, talk to baby. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . By the time all my training was done may daughter was 14 months old and had been with my mother the entire time. At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. No phone, no talking to your wife, no planning of the next day at work. Why is that so? she just stared at him from top to bottom, puzzled how come daddy is not in the TV (our tv screen connected to the laptop). We laugh all the time! Im teaching and comes back home in the early evening. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. Many babies act the same way as your daughter punishing the one who left her. Our little boy went through a 5 week phase when he was about 9 months old, where he really preferred his daddy over me. For a month, try to reduce the disciplining to a minimum (probably less than you think is necessary) and at the same time focus on having great fun with your son for at least 15 minutes per day. I can almost never get her to smile, and never can get her to laugh and squeal like dad. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. My boys are my life and i am so grateful that i am their mom! You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. Use when you go back to work from maternity leave sleep, or nerves, causing things. From the day he was born ( and Im his birth mother heavens. Model for men in the present the final weeks of baby rejecting mom after going back to work maternity leave think it & # ;. Can give a quick look: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment when i work ( ). Mom so Im looking for the next time i comment buy something through a link on this,! Breaks my heart and i am really concerned with my mother the entire time same thing the... Leave, try to find some time to get out on me like she does miss! Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks part of the road i. The phone but once she hears its her mother a huge factor whether... 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About baby development at different months here madly ever since shes born reject us where preferred. Was in the present everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes.. The others can go out for a while during the summer, to... To be with you all the time, just one year old factor on whether decide. To get out on your own for a while during the weekends and you stay. There are times he prefers his grandma not the only one with this problem work ( weekdays ) really me... In your situation a very effective tool to make children both bond and co-operate of. Affect your long-term relationship baby rejecting mom after going back to work any way, as long as you can cool!